Once Burned: a Night Prince Novel, by Jeaniene Frost

I will forgive the wonky Photoshop on that cover because guess what! That guy actually looks like the main character is described! Awesome, right?

Also awesome: that guy that you’re looking at up there? He’s Vlad Tepesh. Aka Vlad the Impaler. AKA DRACULA. THAT GUY IS DRACULA!!!!! Depending on how much you like Dracula stories or how many times you’ve read The Historian even though it’s not that great or how much you dig Gary Oldman swanning around as the Foxy Prince Vlad with the Blue Glasses (among other Draculas) in Bram Stoker’s Dracula, you will be either fucking psyched about this book or you will immediately know that this is not the book for you.

Targeted advertising works, because as soon as this book was released I saw ads for it on just about every website I visited, and it only took three or four views before I caved and bought this book. I was fucking psyched.

Jeaniene Frost is a great paranormal romance writer, and I was delighted to see that this new series will also be a part of her Night Huntress universe. I was also pleased that the heroine, Leila, was an ass-kicking take-no-shit supergirl, in the same vein as our beloved Cat. The hero, Vlad, has shown up a few times in the Night Huntress series, and has always been a delightful side character and he is an EXCELLENT romantic lead. But like I said, either the Dracula bit works for you or it doesn’t.

Leila has a spooky power over electricity and also some psychic abilities, which brings her to Vlad, and together they have to solve a mystery and find a guy who wants to kill Vlad, which doesn’t really narrow it down too much when about 50% of the vampire world wants to off him for one reason or another. Most of the book takes place in VLAD’S CASTLE, and if you’re like me, you’re freaking out a bit because OHMYGOD CASTLES, HOW COOL. The romance is fierce and exciting from the minute Vlad and Leila meet, and even though it shares some of the imbalances that the Cat/Bones relationship did, it works decently well. Most of the time. At least 60% of the time.

One complaint: this is obviously the first book in the series, and it feels like Frost cut it off in the middle of the story. I KNOOWWWWW that that’s the point of a series, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Like many of the Night Huntress books, this does not feel like a complete story. The ending felt very, very rushed to me, and while I’ll pick up the next book in the series, this one went out with a fizzle rather than a Dracula-sized clap of thunder or rushing mist or chase to beat the sunrise.

Recommended for: come on. For Dracula fans. For Jeaniene Frost fans. For people who don’t like their vampires to sparkle.

Scandal Wears Satin, by Loretta Chase

A NEW CHASE! A NEW CHASE! SING PRAISE TO THE HEAVENS, THERE IS A NEW CHASE!

Not only that, it is a continuation of her fabulously fabulous dressmaker series, which began last year with Silk is for Seduction. Are you ready for dress porn? Are you ready to read about sleeve puffs and chemises and luxurious materials and colors and the mechanics of dressmaking? ME TOO.

Well, okay, one thing I should tell you is that since this book doesn’t star Marcelline, the design queen of London’s most faaaabulous dress shop, Maison Noirot, we’re not going to get as much dress porn. Yeah, I’m sad too. And there’s a cute kid, but he’s not as great as Marcelline’s daughter, and not as prominently featured. So there’s all of that!

But, if we’re going to talk about old Chases, it must be said that Harry, the Earl of Longmore, definitely resembles everybody’s all-time favorite brawler, RUPERT CARSINGTON. I know, I was delighted.

However, in the midst of being delighted, I was a bit less-than-delighted to realize that much of the plot and many of the characters seemed a bit - and it pains me to say this about La Chase - recycled. I’m sorry. I have to be honest.

Sophy Noirot is the scheming sister of the Noirot trio, and if you read and enjoyed Last Night’s Scandal, you might find echoes of Olivia Wingate-Carsington. Sophy and Olivia are distantly related, as a matter of fact, but that’s not quite a great reason to have so many similarities between the two. Like Olivia, Sophy is a skilled deceiver and an unparalleled trickster, and she’s always Up to No Good.

So of course Sophy Noirot and the rakish Earl of Longmore (I have to admit the schemer-brawler pairing was a new one for me) have to get together to save one thing or another and help the Earl’s sister, the recently-spurned Clara, ditch her grody fiancee and save the shop and whatever else needs saving in this particular novel.

To repeat a tired simile (and repetition seems to be the theme of this review), Loretta Chase is a lot like pizza - even when she’s not great, she’s still pretty damn good. This is not her best work. It’s not as good as Silk is for Seduction. But it’s fun! There’s enough wonderful dress descriptions to keep you from side-eyeing too hard. It’s not exactly a sturdy, filling romance, but it’s a perfect beach read (or at least it’s what a hastily-researched magazine blurb would call “a perfect beach read”). Worth it, but it’s because Loretta Chase always is.

A Week to be Wicked, by Tessa Dare

YOU WERE RIGHT, I WAS WRONG. This was a lovely book A wonderful book. Funny and charming and a total blast to read. All I had to do was get past the first quarter of the book.

You see, it starts off being like EVERY OTHER ROMANCE NOVEL EVER, in which Minerva (Greek name, take a drink!), the bookish bespectacled spinster (another drink!) comes up with a preposterous plan to pretend to elope with the rakish and womanizing (take a sip) Lord Payne (PAYNE? finish your drink) so that her sister won’t be ruined and also so she can attend a … geology conference.

Yeah, I know. Like I said, I really had a hard time getting through the first quarter of the book, where Minerva was all bookish and practical and having convenient little asides with Lord Payne (UGH THE NAME), but once they hit the road it became an excellent romance novel buddy comedy adventure story.

The thing that made this book special is, to me, the very natural and sly humor in the interchanges between Min and Lord Pay—let’s just call him Colin. Minerva is an academic spinster, but she manages to loosen up enough to trade barbs with Colin, and it’s never in a “oh look how clever I am” kind of way. The dialogue between them is organically funny and sweet.

Long journeys up to Scotland are pretty common in romance novels - you have to get the hero and heroine together in a confined room SOMEHOW, and it’s easier to be bad in the midst of strangers - and I personally think it’s difficult to pull off this plot device without the story becoming overly episodic or repetitive. To be fair, it is true that Minerva and Colin find themselves running in and out of various wild scenarios, characters we meet on one leg of the journey show up later to be a punchline, etc. With a weaker writer, it wouldn’t work, but it was seamlessly comedic and entertaining to me. Min and Colin’s relationship develops naturally (I keep going back to planty adjectives, sorry) and believably.

A Week to Be Wicked was an unexpected treat for me, and totally deserving of the lavish praise that has been heaped upon it. Strongly recommended!

Note: it’s been hard for me to consistently review the books I’ve been reading lately, but I have finally caught up with every other book enthusiast in the world and joined Goodreads. I’ll keep it updated with everything I’m reading currently. I’ll keep reviewing books here, of course, but reviews might be a little slower.

The Pleasures Trilogy is not Eloisa James at her best. While they have a certain amount of charm, all three books suffer from that most dreaded of romance tropes: a misunderstanding between the couple that comes about because they are too dumb to talk to each other. 

Also, these covers. Good Lord. 

So, Potent Pleasures features Charlotte Daicheston. A friend convinces her to sneak out and go to a reputation ruining lower class dance, in disguise of course. Charlotte meets a masked stranger and proceeds to be so overcome by pleasure that she has sex with him. It ends abruptly when he realizes she’s a virgin. Her debaucher is Alex Foakes, the oldest of twins and an earl of some such. He and his brother, Patrick, are a bit wild, so they are sent abroad. Alex to the Continent; Patrick to India. Of course, Alex and Charlotte come thisclose to meeting in society before he leaves.

Years pass, Charlotte is now friends with Sophie York. She spends her days painting and her nights reluctantly attending balls. Then she gets Eloisa’s favorite Regency make over: empire waist dresses and short hair. And wouldn’t you know, Alex is back from his travels. Needless to say, Charlotte and Alex reconnect, sparks fly, and there is pleasure aplenty. Charlotte realizes Alex was the masked stranger, but he assumes that she has gotten him mixed up with Patrick. Charlotte does not do much to contradict his belief. Alex behaves like a complete ass, which does not stop him from sexing up Charlotte six ways from Sunday. They have a couple rough patches that could easily be resolved if they would just fracking communicate! Ultimately, it takes Patrick smacking Alex upside the head and Charlotte’s near death to right things. 

Patrick and Sophie take center stage in Midnight Pleasures. Sophie makes the most of being single, collecting a slew of admirers. Thanks to her parents’ disastrous marriage, she determines to marry the dullest peer available. She is smart as a whip and has a knack for languages, which her awful mother tells her to conceal from the world. For his part, Patrick kissed her once and hasn’t stopped thinking of her since. He spent his time abroad working for the foreign office and is roped into a sensitive mission back at home.

Eloisa teases us and makes it seem like they are going to have a grand adventure in Turkey. Sadly, that is not to be. Patrick steals Sophie from her dull fiance and thanks to her mother’s bad advice they have nothing but misunderstanding after misunderstanding. Which of course means minimal sexy times. Boo. Again, open communication would have helped. 

I couldn’t really get into this one, but even so, I found myself genuinely moved and teary eyed when tragedy befalls Patrick and Sophie. They work things out and are closer for it. There is also a sweet B plot with Sophie’s jilted fiance.

Book three brings a secondary character to the fore. Quill Dewland was injured in a riding accident. Although recovered, he is unable to ride horses or ladies without getting the worst migraine ever. So, his father arranges for his younger brother, Peter, to marry the daughter of a man that has leant him money over the years. Quill is immediately taken with clumsy plumb Gabby. Peter not so much. Gabby grew up in India with her eccentric father and is lacking in many of the refinements expected of English ladies. 

Obviously, Quill swoops in and marries Gabby with the expected result: one awesome night followed by three days of hell. Quill refuses to talk about the issue resulting in a ~misunderstanding~ a-freaking-gain. Somehow, Gabby and Quill get roped into some foreign office affair having to do with a missing Indian prince to pass the time since they aren’t constantly pleasuring each other. Gabby finds the time to summon a doctor she knew in India to help her with Quill’s issue. She must resort to subterfuge to help him and nearly ends up dead for her trouble. Quill finally learns to communicate and all is well. 

I like Eloisa James enough to give these books a 3 out of 5. They are fun and light for the most part with a few touching moments. They also drive home how important it is to talk to your partner. Plus, the pleasure parts are quite…hot. 

Thank you, lobstie! 

On the Way to the Wedding by Julia Quinn

You guys probably know that I think Julia Quinn is totally overrated. If you didn’t know that, then I have a newsflash: I think that Julia Quinn is totally overrated. Or at least I DID. My change of heart came about after my friend Ali badgered me to read this book, which I did. Then I had several glasses of wine to drown out the horrid baby epilogue. Then I came here. You see, I reserve my best self for you guys. 

Hold on, I’m going to get some ice cream. 

I got some. 

Okay, so the guy in this picture is Gregory Bridgerton. There are a whole lot of Bridgertons, and they go in alphabetical order from Anthony, the oldest, down to Hyacinth, the youngest, and this is the very last book. Since it is the last book, there are a lot of appearances from all the other siblings (although I can’t remember anything about Eustace or Freud or whoever E and F are). But the one we care about is Gregory. Got it? 

The lady is Lady Lucinda Abernathy, and her best friend is the epically hot Hermione Granger Watson. Hermione gets all the dudes. INCLUDING our own Mr. Bridgerton. What a twist, right? 

Lucy decides to help Gregory flirt, since she is already “practically engaged” and you know what I am totally bored with plot summary, let’s move on. 

So my problem with Julia Quinn before was that her romances (okay, let’s be real, I only read one) were totally standard, you know? They (it) weren’t really that funny. I was not impressed. HOWEVER: this book had all the wit and charm I had been expecting. I quite enjoyed it! And, at the end (and this is totally rare): I DID NOT KNOW HOW IT WAS GOING TO RESOLVE ITSELF. It was not immediately obvious! So I quite enjoyed that.

WARNING: This a book that is more sweet than sexy. There’s totally sex, but not a lot of it.  

Side Note: DO ANY OF YOU READ TESSA DARE? I tried to read A Week to be Wicked but I got through literally three pages before I put the book down in disgust. I will try again but I promise nothing.

I also reread this but have not reviewed it, yet: Sloppy Firsts

Next up: MOTHERFUCKING BITTERBLUE IS OUT TOMORROW, Y’ALL!!!!

Apology: sorry, I wrote this under the influence and it’s totally half-assed.

The Bride, by Julie Garwood

Some of you may remember that I had an ambitious (for me) TBR list that included two SRS books, and The Hunger Games. It will surprise none of you that I made it through The Hunger Games before I decided that was enough heavy shit and people dying. I decided it was time for some lighter fare, or at least a book that didn’t prominently involve death. Enter The Bride by Julie Garwood and its 172 5-star reviews on Amazon. Because apparently the fanatically positive reviews for Sherrilyn Kenyon have taught me nothing. 

The Bride is a Highlander romance, in which a bonny and spirited English lass is wed to a menacing Highland laird and they learn to love each other in spite of their cultural differences, usually through nonstop newlywed fucking. Handy that kilts provide such easy access! That reminds me - there will be at least one joke about Scottish lairds being naked under their kilts. 

So anyways, the Bonny and Spirited English Lass (TM) in this situation is Jamie. Oh, we’re going to have a little chat about Jamie. Garwood apparently couldn’t settle for just one Spirited English Lass (TM) cliche, so she went for them all. Here’s a list of facts about Jamie: 

• She can read and write
• She speaks perfect Gaelic
• She is an expert physician (the kind who can heal otherwise-fatal wounds with a few crushed leaves and a tincture)
• She can shoot a bow and arrow with incredible accuracy
• She can throw a knife with incredible accuracy
• She rides her spirited horse bareback, with incredible skill
• Her riding skills are so incredible that she frequently stands up while riding her spirited horse bareback
• She can instantly charm even the most stubborn Scottish soldier
• She is constantly saving small children
• She is constantly being saved by her laird husband
• She is flawlessly beautiful (violet eyes, streaming raven hair, etc)
• She single-handedly unites the Highland clans
• I kind of want to punch Jamie by now, don’t you?

She has a couple of token flaws: she has a poor sense of direction, and she’s an insufferable know-it-all (Garwood may not have intended that reaction, now that I think about it). Still, she’s doing pretty good for a woman in 1100! I know suspension of disbelief is important for all novels, but at this point I think the time-traveling nurse from Outlander is a more realistic. 

Her Highland Laird is Alec. Here’s a few facts about Alec:

• He is very big
• He wears kilts
• He gets angry a lot

In the beginning, I was having a lot of fun. Alec and Jamie meet and get married and journey to Scotland, and it’s pretty good! The sex gets going early in the book (Alec sees Jamie bathing, which happens so frequently in romance novels I’m starting to think authors have Frequent Plot Device cards and are cashing in on hotels stays and discounted flights somewhere), and their sparring is fun, if not terribly inventive. 

Then they get to Scotland, and the whole book turns into a mess. I should have known it was coming. It was like going out on a bad date. You know the signs. The dude might order a Zima, or casually mention Ayn Rand. But you don’t REALLY know what you’ve gotten yourself into until you find yourself listening to him tell an obviously-exaggerated story about his spring break trip to Gulf Shores with his main brahs. 

The story gets to be episodic and kind of boring. In one day, Jamie is chased down by a wild boar, saves a small child, is almost burned alive in a cottage (somebody wants her dead or something I don’t even care at this point), and she probably starts a war or whatever (she’s always starting wars). And yeah, that’s STILL boring. There’s too many characters, I kept losing track of the action, and by the end, I started flirting with the other books on my Kindle. 

I have to say, it wasn’t unpleasant. There were a lot of redeeming moments throughout the book, and I even laughed out loud a few times. That said, there are so many talented romance novelists writing great books right now, and you don’t have to spend your time and money on a book that’s “not unpleasant.” 

Go check out Braveheart or Outlander if you need a kilt fix. I’d skip this. 

A Few Words on the Alpha and Omega Series, by Patricia Briggs

This is a werewolf romance series. There is basically no new ground to cover in a werewolf romance series, but Patricia Briggs does a pretty good job of refreshing the genre enough to make this worth reading. I waited for probably a year for the third book in the series to come out, if that says anything. You probably know Ms. Briggs from her Mercy Thompson series, who if I remember correctly is a coyote shifter somewhere in the Pacific Northwest and I read the first book of that series and was like, yeah okay whatever, and I didn’t feel the need to continue (though the Alpha and Omega books have a bit of overlap and the latest book indicated that Mercy hooked up with someone verrry interesting).

The Alpha and Omega series is a lot more appealing to me personally, since I’m a sucker for alpha heroes, and the dude in this series, Charles, is basically one of the highest alphas to ever alpha. He’s half Native American and half Welsh, and his father is the leader of all North American werewolves. Charles himself is the pack’s executioner and justice dealer. He’s big, he’s strong, he’s fast, and he’s almost unbeatable.

So, as it always goes in these kinds of books, he’s paired with his opposite. Charles finds Anna, a newly-changed werewolf, after she calls for help. Her pack alpha has gone insane, the rest of the pack has not fared much better. Anna, considered the most submissive wolf of the pack, has been horribly abused by her leaders. So she’s mistrustful of all people, not to mention men, double not to mention scary men like Charles.

Charles meets Anna, and he pretty quickly figures out that she’s not a submissive wolf, she’s actually something called an Omega wolf. In Briggs’ universe, Omega wolves are the counterpoint to the Alpha wolves. They are neither dominant nor submissive and they’re a sort of soothing emotional presence for all other wolves. It’s hard to explain, and I’m not doing a very good job, but it makes sense the way Briggs presents it. 

Series that follow one couple through multiple books obviously hinge on the strength of that couple, and in my mind, Anna and Charles get a solid A. They’re very different (… obviously), but their pairing is very sweet and steamy enough to keep it interesting but slow enough that it’s believable, particularly given Anna’s past. 

The books all involve a standalone mystery of some kind, and this is another aspect that I really enjoy. I looove a good procedural, and the fact that there’s a romance involved makes these books a rich treat for me. 

The third book, Fair Game, came out last week, and admittedly it was not as strong as the first two. I’m starting to wonder if one SHOULD read the Mercy Thompson series to fully appreciate the Alpha and Omega series, and the ending was rather rushed and was sort of clumsily paving the way for another book. 

That said, I guess I’ll be waiting however long it takes to read the next one. 

Key of Valor by Nora Roberts

I FINISHED THE SERIES YAY! Here’s part one, and here’s part two. 

I know that the Key series is not super fascinating stuff, and it’s basically been one of the least-popular things I’ve ever reviewed, so let’s keep it quick and painless. My next review is going to be the conclusion to the Fever series, and I know y’all have a big fat crush on Jericho Barrons so bear with me and we’ll get there.

But first, I do want to tell you that I DID enjoy this series, and the last book most of all, as it focuses on Zoe, the young mother of the group. The dude is Bradley Charles Vane, and with a name like that, you know he’s either A) rich, or B) a doctor on General Hospital (in this case, he’s rich). 

What I liked: 
Zoe is at once very kind and very courageous, and she was the warmest and most relatable of the three. Her son, Simon, was adorable. Brad was sexy and interesting. There was more going on than JUST the hunt for the key, and I read this book the fastest of the three and enjoyed it the most.

What I didn’t like:
OMG GIRLS AND THEIR CHOCOLATE, RIGHT? Seriously. Ugh. Nora, stop stereotyping us. There were a few times where I added a Kindle note that just said “fuck off” because it mentioned emergency chocolate or pastries YET AGAIN. 

Anyways, it was still pretty good. If you’re going to read the Key series, hold out for the end, because it’s the best. Be prepared to swallow some truly clunky mythology and the idea that three mystical keys of ancient power are hidden in rural Pennsylvania. 

However, if you’re going to read a Nora Roberts series, skip this and go straight for the Chesapeake Bay books. 

Key of Knowledge by Nora Roberts

Ali bought the Key Trilogy, so rather than give a review (I’ll save that for when I finish Book 3), here’s a text conversation we had complaining about it.

Ali: OMG I forgot how terrible the art is. SO. BAD.

RC: They’re all STUNNED by [painter’s] talent!!!

Ali: I just read the part where Malory dreams about being an artist. Mermaids? Really? [Ed note: She has a dream where she envisions all of the paintings that could have been, and it includes paintings of MERMAIDS. Really!]

Ali: I guess that passes for art in small-town Pennsylvania?

RC: She just described Dana wearing a jacket made of “dull-gold tapestry fabric.”

Ali: Um, did you read her outfit from the first party at the mansion? A black, sleeveless knee-length jacket over a white top that may have been a turtleneck.

RC: BAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRFFFFF. How can you even have a sleeveless jacket? THAT IS A VEST.

Ali: The clothes are nineties hell.

RC: Also their business idea [Ed note: the three heroines decide to go into business together, and their idea is terrible.] and I hate the name.

Ali: Agreed. I would never go anywhere named Indulgence. [Ed note: Isn’t that a terrible name?]

RC: It sounds like an old lady store in a tourist town.

…

ANYWAYS. Book 2 was better, as it dealt with books more than art, and while Nora Roberts may not understand art, she certainly understands genre fiction and the main dude in this case is the writer of bestselling thrillers.

I am really looking forward to Book 3. Stay tuned!

Two reviews in one night? LOOKS LIKE IT! Some of you may mention that a better way to run a blog would be to queue up posts and spread them out over a few days so it looks like I’m giving content on a regular basis. To you I say, HOW DARE YOU TELL ME HOW TO RUN MY BLOG.

Anyways, here goes.

Key of Light by Nora Roberts

Do you guys want to have a traditional review, or do you just want me to air a few grievances I’ve been building over the last few Nora books? You want me to complain? And save a full review for the whole series? OKAY THEN!

1. Nora Roberts still has terrible taste in art.
Y’all. It’s killing me. Paintings and art figure very heavily into this book and at every turn Nora is describing another Thomas-Kinkade-meets-Walt-Disney horror piece.

However, I’m on the second book now, where BOOKS are the main art medium discussed (uh, that’s an awkward sentence, but just go with it, because it’ll make sense when we talk about the whole series I promise) and it’s much better.

Bigger gripe:

2. Nora Roberts really likes female stereotypes.
We talked about this a bit with her last book, ad while the offenses are not nearly as egregious here, they’re bothering me a lot more. I’m a girl. I have girlfriends. I enjoy wine (oh, how I enjoy wine) and I like sweets but you know what? I don’t eat an entire pint of cookie dough every time somebody makes me feel bad and I don’t keep an emergency chocolate bar stash and maybe some people do and bully for them! but SERIOUSLY I am over the whole “lol women love chocolate lol” thing. 

Okay, here’s what I liked about the book.

1. The characters were good, and even though the heroine of the first book was a bit dull, the other two are great.

2. Celtic mythology!

3. The heroine totally seduces the dude and decides SHE wants HIM and it’s great and a refreshing change of pace.

More when I finish the series, stay tuned!