April 3, 2012 / 2:01PM 36 notes

This is the most entertaining thing I’ve ever read about Fifty Shades of Grey, certainly far more entertaining than the short bit of the book itself that I managed to read before I turned my Kindle off and threw it across the room. My favorite lines: 

"That dry, skittering sound you heard is your fallopian tubes curling like party ribbon."

A passage where we find out what Anastasia Steele looks like via girl-frowning-at-her-appearance-in-a-mirror exposition should be punishment for vehicular manslaughter in some states.”

When Christian Grey “rips through” Anastasia’s virginity, she actually says “Argh!” like Jon finding out that Garfield has once again shredded the curtains.”

I get that this is supposed to be BDSM Lite for people with Aztec-pattern Kindle Fire covers …”

I’ve seen better storytelling in an evening news segment about a raccoon who got a peanut butter jar stuck on his head in a Wendy’s parking lot.”

raccoon stuck in peanut butter jarlinkstormfifty shades of greythe vulture

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