Jonathan Slate was the paid-in-full dirigible’s owner. He was tall and unconventional, with hair that hung from his body like curls of licorice that had been wiped with expensive olive oil. He seemed smarter and wilier and more willful and just plain sexier than anyone who stood near him. He was a real Penn Jillette type, just the way women like.
He was talking to the Dalai Lama, who was eating shrimp cocktail by the handful. “What a shrimp pig,” Jassity Baggley thought. She wasn’t surprised when Jonathan Slate left the tiny saffron man to come to talk to her.
He said, “Hello.”
His breath smelled like fine boulders from Europe. She remembered something she had read in a newsletter they send to rich people. “You brush your teeth with San Pellegrino.”
The whole thing is gold. Bonus point if you can find me screaming at a troll in the comments.
It’s getting chillier outside and our dashes are all filled with pumpkin goodies. My Halloween playlist is already in heavy rotation and I’m obsessively watching Hocus Pocus and Sleepy Hollow. I don’t even want to talk about how much I’m watching Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I’m sure we’re all in the mood for a good spooky story.
I’m pretty interested in Ghosts by the Gaslight, a collection of steampunk horror stories, and I could just reread “The Fall of the House of Usher” another 80 times. But I think we could do better than that. Let’s find something that really carves your pumpkin.
What’s your favorite spooky romance? Mine is Dark Needs at Night’s Edge (part of the Immortals After Dark series). Bonus points if there is a haunted house or the story itself actually takes place around Halloween.
Archangel’s Blade is the fourth book in the Guild Hunter series. This time Nalini Singh focuses on Dmitri, one of Raphael’s Seven, while Elena and Raphael himself remain on the sidelines. While the first three books were a careful mix of urban fantasy and romance, Archangel’s Blade is all about the romance. The urban fantasy elements are still present but they’re not dominant. The plot seems to be there only to help Dmitri and Honor, his heroine, spend more time together.
Dmitri is the star of this book. He was far from my favourite character during the span of the first three books. He was wicked and lecherous, and he seemed to relish being cruel. In Archangel’s Blade Dmitri remains true to himself but he is also so much more. With Dmitri Nalini Singh created a captivating character, one that, if slightly fanged, is still all flesh and blood.
By comparison, Honor sort of gets eclipsed by Dmitri and his memories of his dead wife and children, which were beautiful, painful and full of love. I was more interested in Dmitri and his dead wife than Dmitri and Honor. The way the old and new romantic lines were neatly tied up in a pretty little bow was my biggest peeve with this book. I felt that it prevented Honor from becoming a fully fleshed out character. As a result, Dmitri’s and Honor’s romance seemed a bit cardboard compared with Dmitri’s memories.
Archangel’s Blade was a good read but, had Dmitri been given an equally strong heroine, it could’ve been great.
… the mortal he’d once been, the one who had loved a woman with a wide mouth and eyes of slanted brown… that man understood what it was to love so deeply it was a kind of beautiful madness.
It’s always funny when a series just keeps going even after you Girl, Bye it. I’m slightly curious about the new direction the Archangel series is taking, but my absolute loathing of the last book makes me glad you read it so I didn’t have to.
Driven by his insatiable need for revenge, Lothaire, the Lore’s most ruthless vampire, plots to seize the Horde’s crown. But bloodlust and torture have left him on the brink of madness—until he finds Elizabeth Peirce, the key to his victory. He captures the unique young mortal, intending to offer up her very soul in exchange for power, yet Elizabeth soothes his tormented mind and awakens within him emotions Lothaire believed he could no longer experience.
A DEADLY FORCE DWELLS WITHIN HER
Growing up in desperate poverty, Ellie Peirce yearned for a better life, never imagining she’d be convicted of murder—or that an evil immortal would abduct her from death row. But Lothaire is no savior, as he himself plans to sacrifice Ellie in one month’s time. And yet the vampire seems to ache for her touch, showering her with wealth and sexual pleasure. In a bid to save her soul, Ellie surrenders her body to the wicked vampire, while vowing to protect her heart.
CENTURIES OF COLD INDIFFERENCE SHATTERED
Elizabeth tempts Lothaire beyond reason, as only his fated mate could. As the month draws to a close, he must choose between a millennia-old blood vendetta and his irresistible prisoner. Will Lothaire succumb to the miseries of his past … or risk everything for a future with her?
WHO writes this shit, because it certainly does not sound like Kresley Cole. I love romance novels and I have little shame about reading them but something about these back cover blurbs screams “Look at your life! Look at your choices!”
Pre-Review: Secrets of a Summer Night by Lisa Kleypas
Okay dudes so I’m going to try this thing where I give myself 24 hours or so after reading a book to fully digest it and see if my reviews are more objective. I’ve noticed a trend in my reviewing, which is basically “OMG I LOVED THIS BOOK THIIIIIS MUCH” and then overlooking flaws or issues I have with it until a bit later and then it’s a bit awkward and I’d have to go back and edit but that’s basically the Blogger Walk of Shame and so I don’t and I have a lot of reviews that are not quite reflective of my thoughts.
You guys are probably thinking “Is this bitch that hard up for content that she has to have MINI reviews before writing any real reviews? Why wouldn’t she just write one real review?” Fuck you, that’s why.
Anyways, I just finished Secrets of a Summer Night by Lisa Kleypas, after hearing all over the various internet places that she’s an Author of Note. At first I thought it was going to be nice, but boring, but nothing as bad as Julia Quinn (you guys, she is SO boring to me) or as good as a really good Loretta Chase or Eloisa James.
I’m pleased to say that my expectations were exceeded. There were several female friendships at the heart of the book, and it definitely made me want to read more of the Wallflowers series. I laughed a good bit, I was sold on the romance, and I just wanted to share that even a jaded old tart like me can be surprised sometimes.
Full review later, when the ~*~*~*~*~ have died down.
Notes: A fun mostly sappy jaunt through a regency era romance between an over-bearing, but caring man and a naive but stubborn princess.
Recommended For: Garwood fans, Those looking for a light read and some sap.
When formulas are enough … I read this book a long time ago and forgot a lot of it and thought I’d re-read it for this blog. I enjoy Julie Garwood’s easy reads and while she reminds me of Kleypas’ plotlines her writing lacks the spunk and dynamics of Kleypas.
Before I get ahead of myself let’s get the basics out-of-the-way. The synopsis is as follows:
Orphaned and besieged, Princess Alesandra knew that only hasty marriage to an Englishman could protect her from the turmoil in her own land. To the amusement of her makeshift guardian, Colin, younger brother of the Marquess of Cainewood, the bold raven-haired beauty instantly captivated London society. But when Alesandra was nearly abducted by her unscrupulous countrymen, the fighting instincts that won Colin a knighthood for valor were kindled. Deceiving himself that he wanted only to protect her, Colin swept her into a union meant to be a marriage in name alone…yet Alesandra’s tender first kiss and hesitant caress ignited a wildfire in his soul. As the lovely princess dashed headlong into unforeseen dangers, Colin would follow, knowing he must claim her as his own forever. Now he would risk life itself before he would lose this sweet, tempestuous angel…
Things I enjoyed about this book:
The mystery regarding the murderer who you get little snippets of his inner monologue continuously throughout the novel. I can honestly say I didn’t guess who it was until the end.
I thought Alesandra’s sense of humor was good. The ways she gets around Colin while staying true to her promises was very cute.
I liked that Alesandra found ways to utilize her ability with numbers and was shown to be intelligent, if at times common sense stupid.
Things I got tired of in this book:
I found it obnoxious after a while when something would happen or something would be said and Garwood would take the time to explain what that meant. The first time was annoying the 10th time it felt like she thought I couldn’t read sub-text. Hel-lo we got it.
While in romance novels (especially set in Regency times) I realize the men are more domineering and that women had/have fewer rights and little say. I also acknowledge that sometimes in these books its sexy when the man takes charge. But there is also a point where you go from in charge to controlling and Colin had moments where I wanted Sassy Gay Friendto come and let Alesandra know what’s what.
For example, at one point Alesandra is coming down the steps wearing a necklace and ”[Colin] didn’t like the idea of Alesandra wearing it. ‘I have a special fondness for this necklace,’ she remarked once they were settled inside the carriage and on their way to the ball. ‘But I can tell from your frown you don’t care for it. Why is that, Colin?’ ‘Why do you like it?’ Her fingertips brushed the necklace. ‘Because it belonged to my mother. Whenever I wear it, I’m reminded of her. The necklace was a gift to her from my father.’ Colin’s attitude immediately softened. ‘Then you should wear it.’ ‘But why did it displease you? I saw the way you frowned when you first noticed it.’ He shrugged. ‘I was displeased because I didn’t buy it for you.’ She didn’t know what to make of that remark.” I do. In the words of SGF, “Tina Turner? We need to private dance it outta here!”
I don’t want people to think I hated this book or that Colin was an abusive character. I just found that it hit one note for the majority of the novel and between the controlling Colin and the pedantic narrative I got tired half-way through and only finished it because I couldn’t remember the murderer. But Garwood has a system where she takes damsels in distress puts them with men-in-charge who have a vulnerability and makes a happy-ever-after with some sap and a litttle danger. It works.
I also acknowledge that I haven’t read this full series so there might be other aspects of this story that I’m missing out on. But I will say if you can’t pull me into reading a series from one novel then the series is damaged, in my opinion.
I wouldn’t go out and buy this book, but it’s a perfect beach read or I’m on the bus and don’t want to make eye-contact read.
Garwood is still a good writer in my opinion and I am going to re-read some of her other novels I remember liking (like her Laird’s Series) so more on that later.
Hello! I've been searching for historicals that feature the "downstairs" side of a wealthy household (fans of Downton Abbey know what I'm talking about!) and I'm looking for book recommendations in that same Upstairs/Downstairs vein. I'm particularly fond of the Bates/Anna relationship from DA, as I'm sure many others are, but I can't seem to find any romance novels that feature servants (I guess they're all too busy for some extra-curricular lovin?). Does anyone have recommendations? Thanks!
What the HALE, my email notifier has been on the fritz. I’m so sorry if this has been waiting in limbo for a long time.
ANYWAYS, aren’t you so totally stoked that Downton is coming back on tonight? I watched the whole first season in about four days last month, and it was just fabulous. It was everything I was hoping it would be, and bitchier.
This does not answer your question at all, and unfortunately, I don’t know that I have a good answer. Most of the historical romance I read is about rich titled people fucking other rich titled people. I read an exception about a year ago, in which a rich titled person fucks a poor fortune teller (Proof by Seduction, by Courtney Milan) (I didn’t like it THAT much, honestly), so we will have to look to the peanut gallery for better suggestions.
That said, if you haven’t seen Gosford Park, drop everything and go watch it right now. Honestly, that’s not a bad suggestion even if you HAVE seen it.
Hello again! I was the one who asked about This Duchess of Mine, the fifth book in EJ's Duchess series. Now that I'm nearing the series' end, I do agree with you a little bit more about your assessment of Elijah. He is too pure, isn't he? Anyway, I enjoy your funny reviews terribly and I wondered if you could do a little comparison across the series...what you liked, what you didn't like, etc. Thank you!
Overall, I loved the series and I would be delighted to go through it. Let’s roll!
1. Desperate Duchesses (Roberta and Gryffyn) (Oh his name is actually Damon) This was either the first or second Eloisa James book that I ever read, and I loved it. Roberta’s father is the writer of hilariously bad poetry and Roberta herself is gutsy and fun. Damon is pretty damn sexy, too. Plus we’re introduced to a lot of the series regulars, most especially VILLIERS, who is one of my favorite romance novel characters ever.
2. The Affair Before Christmas (Poppy and Fletch) This one was definitely more sweet than steamy (ew I just said that, sorry, I feel like an ancient publisher now), since Poppy’s been under the thumb of her domineering mother and generally feels like shit about herself and everything else in her life and Fletch has to be slow and gentle so he doesn’t scare her off. But there’s a time and a place for slow and gentle, right? There’s a lot of interesting details about hairstyles in the Georgian era, and both Poppy and Fletch are super fashionable. I read this to get into the ~*~Christmas spirit~*~ last year and it did very nicely, although only the beginning and end really take place around Christmas.
3. Duchess by Night (Harriet/LORD STRANGE) Okay, let’s just get that out of the way: the hero’s name is Lord Justinian Strange. LORD JUSTINIAN STRANGE. Doesn’t that make you want to go read the book right now? No? Fuck you.
ANYWAYS. Harriet is a fantastic heroine, one of my favorites of the series, because she’s a bit older and wiser (especially compared to the naive Poppy) and the way she riffs with Lord Strange is most satisfying. Also, it’s a cross-dressing book (Lord Strange’s house is most scandalous and she has to sneak in) and Eloisa James turns it into the sexiest damn cross dress fest ever.
4. When the Duke Returns (Isadore/Simeon) Loved it! Reviewed it here.
5. This Duchess of Mine (Elijah/Jemma). UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH. I’ve been clear on my feelings about this book before. It was a huge disappointment, because Jemma was so interesting before and, like I said, she just loses her teeth when it comes to Golden Boy Elijah.
6. A Duke of Her Own (Eleanor/Villiers) (MOTHERFUCKING VILLIERS FUCK YEAH) This one was absolutely my favorite, because Villiers is the fucking shit. He’s been around the block and uses that knowledge (and his knowledge of 19th century contraceptives) to his (and our) advantage. Like Jemma, we’ve been following him the whole series, but here it pays off. It was so much fun and a fitting and wonderful end to the series.
I haven’t had any good wolf peen since I gave up Lora Leigh, so thank God that Emma Holly came up with Adam Santini and his engorged member to fill that big hollow space inside of me. Oooops, TMI. Awwwwkward. Moving on.
Ari can hurt/heal people with her special powers, and she comes to Resurrection—not realizing until it’s too late that she’s not in Kansas any more, Toto—to hunt down and kill The Eunuch who has hurt her friends. Luckily for her, Adam and his crew of all-hot, all-the-time werewolf police detectives arrest her before she does any damage.
She and Adam are attracted to each other, so what can you do except each other on any horizontal—or vertical for that matter—surface you can find, and NOT in a Lora Leigh squishy Bollywood-type production either.
This is good werewolf peen and porn, yo. Me likey mucho.
Adam and his crew decide to use Ari as bait since The Eunuch wants Ari for his own nefarious purposes because of her special powers which are ramped up in Resurrection. And the battle is on like Donkey Kong.
Holly has a great mix of paranormal world building, sweet (yes, SWEET—trust) romance, hot sexxy times, and an actual plot. I loves me some Holly, and I’m hoping this is a series because it was most excellent.
I am embarking on some serious Life Changes at the moment, and I’ve found that preparing to move across the country has left me with less time to read than usual. Also, I’ve been reading non-romance books as a bit of a palate cleanser but soon … soon I will return to you with Lisa Kleypas and Georgette Heyer.
We will have many warm and tender posts that will caress your dashes in the near future, but if I’m not around as much, don’t think it’s because I don’t love you.
Never speak such words
I will try to arrange a few quick trysts with novels whose pleasures I have already sampled, but should I be absent, fear not.
Wherever you are, wherever you are blogging, I will find you.
"Forever" by Maggie Stiefvater (Wolves of Mercy Falls Trilogy, vol. 3)
And so it ends, after a slightly unsatisfactory second episode, in glory. The third and final installment of the Wolves of Mercy Falls Saga (after the lovely Shiver, which I found out about here on TRC, and Linger, which I reviewed) is good. Really good. Deeply satisfying in the way books are when they’re carefully structured, well paced and thought through, yet they flow by seamlessly.
Forever is an absolute page turner. There is no way to talk about it without giving away crucial plot points from the first two books, so if you are afraid of spoilers, by all means stop here (and if you’re a fan of YA and romance, you will love it to bits: go buy it).
So: Grace has been turned into a wolf by Cole, in an effort to save her life before the wolf toxin killed her. Cole and Sam are left to share Beck’s house, while Isabel - who has lost both her brother and her only friend to the wolves, and has been turned down by Cole - is going through a bit of a rough patch. Forever is as much about deliverance as it is about acceptance and grief: each character has to learn to tell the difference between the things they can change and those they can’t, and to let go of the past for good. It is no coincidence that the villain is still Tom Culpeper, Isabel’s father, who is moving heaven and earth (and using good taxpayers’ dollars) to have the wolves gunned down: his lack of resilience, seen from the perspective of those who know the true nature of the wolves, is what makes him unsympathetic and ends up driving his daughter further away from him.
Some of the flaws from the second book carry on in the third (Stiefvater’s sexual politics veer wildly from the extremely progressive to the discomfortingly conservative; also, teenagers sharing a bed and not boning would be unlikely even if the teenagers in question were not in love), some are brilliantly resolved (Cole is given the space to grow into a proper character with a distinctive voice) and at least one subplot feels abandoned, like it was a great idea in the first episode but had already fallen by the wayside in the second and simply had no place in the third.
But I’m nitpicking here. Forever is fantastic, emotionally honest, gripping and really good at showing us what a love story feels like when the lovers have grown to know each other a little and the relationship is no longer new, at least to the reader; and it achieves this without resorting to the tired old love triangle.
I was sad to see Sam and Grace go. You will be too, but in a good way.
FYI, RAGNAR AND JULIET will be available from Amazon for the Kindle, but not on release day, Sept. 12th. On the 12th it'll be available via PDF from Liquid Silver Books (my publisher), and Amazon probs 2-3 weeks after that, and from AllRomance (. com) at some point after the Sept 12 release, too. So on 9/12 go to LiquidSilverBooks (. com). I'll be annoying that day with the promo, so I'm sure you can just look at my Tumblr that week and get many links :)
Seer of Sevenwaters (Sevenwaters #5) by Juliet Marillier
In a nutshell:
Genre: Fantasy, Adventure, Saga, & Romance
Notes: Surprised me how much I enjoyed. Unlikely hero, likely Marillier heroine, and a story that keeps you guessing. A lovely addition, I wouldn’t read it as a stand-alone.
Recommended For: Fans of Marillier, People who love a new take on an old legend, Fans ofThe Mists of Avalon.
A seer who sees the future meets a man who can’t even see his own past … Marillier has done it again – made me want her to write more and more novels in the sevenwater’s series. Here’s hoping! Before I get ahead of myself I should show the synopsis:
Sibeal of Sevenwaters, the teen fifth daughter of the Lord of Sevenwaters, has always known she wants to be a druid. In this romantic follow-up to 2008′s Heir of Sevenwaters, Sibeal’s uncle Ciaran, her mentor, orders her to spend a summer on the sheltered island of Inis Eala, away from her training, to determine whether the contemplative life is truly for her. At first, Sibeal thinks that Ciaran is punishing her. Then a sudden storm brings a shipwreck and several mysteries that challenge Sibeal’s resolve and vocation. Why does the Norseman Knut seem to be holding something back from the islanders, and if Svala is Knut’s wife, why is she so terrified of him? And who is the handsome, amnesiac man Sibeal has found washed up on shore? Readers will thrill to this strong, heartfelt tale of the Sevenwaters family and their magical exploits.
I think I have to be clear that my opinion of this novel is colored by my entire experience with the previous Sevenwater’s books. That being said, I don’t know how much I would enjoy Seer of Sevenwaters as a standalone novel. I think it’s still a wonderful book, but so much of the enjoyment is hearing about the characters you’ve read about in the past novels and seeing where they continue to grow. That’s one of Marillier’s best points as an author. A character in her series is never finished, she develops them to the end and beyond. In fact, directly after reading this book I went back to the first novel The Daughter of the Forest and I was amazed how well woven the entire series is.
While I felt that one of the strongest points of this book was its continuation in developing the characters plot lines from the previous novel, I could also seeing it be a detracting factor. For those who aren’t familiar with the previous novels, reading this as a stand alone may seem confusing at points. I also sometimes felt as if the insight into the secondary characters took away the reader’s attention from the primary characters and that made it seem like those characters story’s were rushed.
Speaking of strong aspects of this book: I really enjoyed the unconventional plot line of having a woman’s inner struggle to be between choosing a life of holy vocation or a life as a wife and mother. You really don’t read many books where a woman is choosing between a spiritual leader role and a man. Some might feel that most books have a woman making a hard choice between A or B, but it’s definitely a twist on the same-old.
Another thing that Marillier does extremely well with her characters: is her ability to make a character a hero without forcing them into a macho or warrior role. If anyone is a warrior in this book, it’s definitely Sibeal. She will follow the will of the gods off a cliff, but not in an ignorant way. If that makes sense. But Ardal – he is certainly no warrior. A poet, academic, philosopher – but not a fighter of men. Nonetheless I found him to be one of the bravest heroes in the Sevenwaters Series.
Overall I enjoyed the book immensely. If I had one true criticism it would be: I found the ending lacking. One of my biggest pet peeves is when a book is amazing and thorough only to end rushed and abruptly. While I didn’t find this abrupt, I found I was left wanting more. And not just more Sevenwaters (I always want more Sevenwaters.) I wanted to feel the ending in a more complete way.
Bottom Line: If you enjoyed the previous Sevenwaters, than I don’t even know why you are reading reviews, when you should be finding this book and if you enjoy legends retold, with feminist overtones, spiritual undertones, and a love story, this is the book for you.
Uuuuugughghghghhghg I was SO disappointed by this book. Reviewing Sharp Objects a few days ago put me in the mood for a good, creepy book, and I thought this was going to be exactly what I needed. Just look at the plot description!
Family secrets and fairy lore create a shifting reality in McMahon’s unsettling novel about the disappearance of a 12-year-old girl who longed to become Queen of the Fairies. Fifteen years after Lisa goes missing, her younger brother, Sam, gets a strange phone call that leads him and his girlfriend, Phoebe, to discover a book, supposedly written by the King of the Fairies, that Lisa used as her bible to cross over, and which prompts Sam and Phoebe to meet up with Sam’s cousin, Evie, to see if they can figure out what happened to Lisa. Nothing is as it seems from that moment on, and Phoebe’s longtime fear of a dark man in the shadows seeps back after she discovers, in true woo-woo fashion, that she is pregnant. McMahon alternates between the past and present with loads of portent and foreshadowing, creating a rural Vermont chiller with a Rosemary’s Baby vibe.
SOUNDS COOL, RIGHT? I downloaded a sample and loved it. I even highlighted the following passage, because I thought it was an indicator of things to come. Backstory: the protagonist, Phoebe, is talking about a nightmare from childhood, which is the reason she piles suitcases and boxes under her bed.
When she was a little girl, she saw the trapdoor under her bed that only appeared in the darkest hours of the night. Heard the scrabbling, the squeaking of hinges as it was opened. And she saw what came out.
And she knows (doesn’t she) that sometimes he’s still there, not just under the bed but in the shadows at the bus stop, lurking with the alley cats behind the Dumpster at her apartment building. He’s everywhere and nowhere. A blur caught out of the corner of her eye. A mocking smile she tells herself she’s imagined.
SpOOooOOOooOOOky! I was so excited. I thought I had a real treat in store for me. BUT NO. We better have a cut, y’all, because it going to get UGLY up in here. Also, WARNING: I’m going to spoil the shit out of it, so you don’t have to read this book.
So as i have been reading your blog for at least 45 minutes cause i can't get enough of your "lovely" reviews about sex and many other things, haha haha, well anyways i searched through your posts and was wondering if you had read the Riley Jenson Gaurdian Series by Keri Arthur? Starts out with Full Moon Rising. And since you like to see "Magical" covers i thought you might like these. Where the main character is rubbing her own neck on all of the covers. hmmm hmmm anyways.......
One of the reviewees states that.....
Sexy vampires, randy werewolves, and unabashed, unapologetic, joyful sex- you've gotta love it. Smart, sexy, and well conceived, full moon rising left me wishing i was a dhampire -Kim Harrison
Who knew Kim Harrison wished she was a Dhampire? Hmmmmm contemplating the weirdness. Anyways i loved this series and i thought hey maybe you might have something fun to say about it :D
Hope you enjoy it :D
I have heard about that series … but not a lot of good things, I have to admit. I’ve looked at the Amazon reviews and decided against it before because it sounded suspiciously like SherrilynKenyon Goes to Oz, or, even worse, Anita Blake.
That said, I do love getting reader recs, and I am in the market for a new paranormal series. Has anybody else given these a shot?
Want an alternative to urban fantasy romance? So did I. A couple of years ago this ‘sci-fi bodice ripper’ (no really, that’s what it was marketed as) crossed my radar. This was back before my kindle, so I waited patiently for my Amazon bundle.
But you want to get to the *ahem* thrust of the story, don’t you?
So, it’s half past the future and most of the galaxy worships Keira Knightley as a Goddess. (No. Really.) Her consort comes from Earth which means humans get to play around with aliens without having first earned the right. It’s FAVOURITISM. Humans are SEXY. This creates THE POLITICS. THERE WILL BE PLOT!!!
Anyway, Jack Sparrow Finn Rorkken is taken from the pirates,maquis, pirates so he can be second in command to Sole survivor war hero femShep,Anne Hathaway, Anne Hathaway look-alike Brit Bandar. They set off on the good shipVoyager Unity and hijinks ensue.
I could continue in this vein for some time, but I won’t. Basically, Susan Grant doesn’t believe she should show you when there’s a perfectly good trope you know or an actor she can just tell you looks like the character. The book seizes onto every cliche of weak sci-fi and runs along with such cheerfulness that I can’t really complain. It’s not really funny, it’s not really smart, but it really loves what it does - much like a dog doing its best, so I have to enjoy it. But it is very soft and fluffy sci-fi (well it’s practically Starfleet)
It also suffers from the huge emo woe of Brit Bandar, which is all very sad and terrible. Her most complex emotion is "omg i luvz u but iz so traumatised by PREVIOUS luv" but the whole thing becomes so much more fun when she starts enjoying herself. There are a few cute subplots (alright - there’s one cute sub plot) and one sort-of-plot related to the POLITICS later on. But neither plot nor sub plot makes up for the frustrating lack of sex at the beginning and Johnny-Depp-ridden sex later on.
On another note, the insistence that one of the female protagonists is a virgin rubs me up the wrong way too, but it is handled tastefully. The ending for both women is a bit ‘meh?’. Love is not a pie people, neither is sex. When I’m reading romance I want there to be love and sex all over the place. Like some sort of love sex octopus.
Don’t get the idea that I didn’t like or enjoy the book. I did both. But it neither held me, thrilled me, kissed me or killed me. I don’t begrude the fiver I paid for it, and now I’m curious as to her other titles available on Kindle …
Remember this book? The m/m/m/m/f? Well, Melinda and I were talking about it over Gchat.
Me: OMG THERE’S A PREQUEL WITH FIVE DUDES Melinda: i actually knew there was a prequel you should review it. mostly so i don’t write yet another “I read some really horrible trash AGAIN” review Me: fine, I’ll take this one for the team Melinda: that’s what she said in the book HA Me: five times HEYO Melinda: high five Me: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID
We think we’re hilarious. Anyways, I figured it had been a while since we’d explored the depths of cheap Amazon erotica, so I paid the $2 and downloaded Kate’s Crew.
The “plot” is that Kate sees a band of sexy construction workers next door. She falls out of a window ogling them, which leads to her having sex with the leader, which leads to her having sex with all of them. At once.
I was in over my head, let me just admit that right away. When it comes to m/m/m/m/m/f, I am not the target audience. I spend most of the time trying to count penises and to chart out where they were, which ones belonged to which guy (“Oh is this the muscley sensitive guy or the other muscley sensitive guy?”) and where missing ones COULD go should they arrive on the scene (and believe me, Ms. Rylon is not one to leave one dick out of the action just because we’ve run out of holes).
And if you were wondering, yes, this is a series. The same construction crew that plows Kate also nails Morgan and drills Kayla. To my great amusement, it’s sort of the Ten Little Indians of group sex because of course in each story one of the dudes manages to gaze deeply into the eyes of the heroine (past the penises in her mouth and either hand) and fall madly in love and so five horny crew members becomes four, then three, and then there was just the gay couple (there is a gay couple). And yeah, everybody is getting a part of the action here, so you better be ready for m/m, m/m/m, m/f, or any other combination thereof.
There was a baffling moment or two in which I couldn’t figure out where everybody was positioned and I thought we were in a human centipede of anal sex, but that could have just been a misread.
In the midst of all the action, there was a line that gave me pause (I know, I know, “Just one?”) in which Mike explains to Kate why he is NOT bisexual:
I’ve tried everything just about once, but it’s not really my thing. I’ll admit, though … I’ve accepted more than one blow job from the crew members … I’m a guy, I like getting head. For me, if it’s just about having a good time, then a mouth’s a mouth.
I … I am not sure that it works quite that way, but whatever floats your boat. Or monkeys your wrench, as the case may be.
At the end of the day, this is just not my thing, and so I’m hesitant to place any kind of a value judgment on it. If you’re intrigued by the idea of a bunch of men that work on a construction crew and drive around in a van solving mysteries look for women to bang together, then by all means, leapfrog over the Kinsey scale and dive right in. Just make sure you bring the lube.
Progress Report: The Secret History of the Pink Carnation Society
This is sort of just to remind you all that I am, in fact, alive and still reading. I’m enjoying this book a lot, but it hasn’t like, gripped me with its formidable arms and pinned me to the couch and hammered away at my brain so I am bent to its will and driven to finish (the book).
Also, I’m in the middle of some serious ~*~life changes~*~ (I’m moving across the country in six weeks) and so I’m sort of retreating to my old habits and the comfort foods of books, which in my case are sex scenes from Kresley Cole’s Immortals After Dark series.
Anyways, it’s a lot of fun, and I just hit a big reveal, so I’ll probably finish up in the next couple of days. For my next book, I’m considering the UF Rosemary and Rue, since the setting is relevant to my interests, or perhaps the next up in Jasper Fforde’s Thursday Next series, Nine Rules to Break When Romancing a Rake, Outlander, or whatever you all suggest.